A little while later...

"Bysy-bye Ashley. Bysy-bye Mary-Kate" "Byeeee" "Shhh, don't encourage her, Mary Kate!" "I'll meet up with you girls again once I've got the permission slip from Professor Dumbledalf and then we all have a wizbang adventure together!" "Yeah, right"

"Golly, the Twins were so nice... they even escorted me here...

... I never knew the Pigpimple's Express stopped here at Cirith Ungol*...   *Cirith Ungol... where Shelob the Spider hangs out? LOTR; Return of the King?

"AARRGHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Damn, you really are a cold-hearted bitch, Ashley" "I know... but don't you just love it Mary-Kate?" *giggle* "... still it was a little cruel after she cast that scrying spell and told us where to find MiskatonicNick and how to save him from the clutches of that tarty Fairy Queen" "Yes but there's no room for another cute little girl with us around! Especially some posh little English tramp!" *giggle* "Right! And now off we go to save Miskatonic!" But no sooner have the Olsens started down the enchanted path to Faerietopia than... "HALT CAPITALIST FASHION ICON PIGS!" "You steekin' bourgoise dollies are goings nowhere!" "Except up against ze wall!" "VIVA LA REVOLUTION!"

"Ohmigod! What's going on!" "Those uniforms! Those scarves! Those guns! Those face sculpts! That cheap unmanagable doll hair!" "What is it?" "They're the Anti-Barbie Revolutionary Integrity Brigade!" "Eh?" "Who exist to overthrow Mattel's stranglehold on the Pink Aisles... by force!" "Uhoh"

Uhoh indeed, Miss Mary-Kate! But there's an even bigger shock instore elsewhere - for back at Pink Box Security the state of the true threat facing Toyville has just been explained by leading scientist Dr Buzz B. Bottle...

"Great Heavens! That's unbelievable... impossible! Too horrible to even comprehend... That scientist has the head of a fly!" "Dear pot, signed the Kettle, eh? Lobster features?" "Hmm, point taken. At least we're not a bunch of hairless apes. Now, run me through that theory again would you..."

"Very well, now please listen this time... ...I have been studying Toyville for a very long time... and during the resultant therapy I have come to a chilling conclusion which will affect all our very lives; for forget everything you ever thought you knew about reality! Having analyzed all the available data I've noticed a marked correlation in the increasingly crap plots, the over-abundance of unfeasibly cute dollies in tight uniforms, the ludicrous amount of preposterous celebrity porn... ... and the examination of MiskatonicNick's ebay account only confirms my worst fears... ... we are but a facet of MiskatonicNick's imagination! Without him we are nothing but, well, lumps of plastic and scraps of cloth!"

"Fascinating (pssst someone call the men in white suits, the local looney seems to have got out)...

"Oh yes? Examine yourself Captain... how esle can you explain your molded on underwear and lack of genetalia..." "Dammnit, you might be onto something here! So, what implications does this have..."" "Grave and horrible ones. At this very moment MiskatonicNick is missing... and being hunted by several sides both benign but mostly malign, nefarious and bloody nasty. If anything happens to him then we believe that our Reality here will shift into a negatory trangression of temporal existance... "eh?"

crap in a hat! What the f***!" "As I said, Mayor Ackbar - reality itself will start to buckle."

"In layman's terms - we'll all be screwed! It'll be the end of life as we know it! The longer MiskatonicNick is away from his PC, the bigger and more transparent the plot holes will become, the badder the grammar, our reality itself will start to buckle..." "What a load of absolute crap! Scientific waffle, flim-flam and technobabble... hey, why's everyone looking at me?

"Ahhhh! Disaster! Disaster! Emergency! We must get Nick back!" "No, Mr Mayor. The others will only continue to dog him. We must let MiskatonicNick continue upon his quest for the Holy Grail ..." "Are you mad, woman!?! If he dies... we all die! We need to rally the greatest heroes known to Toyville to protect the delicate flower that is MiskatonicNick... we need... The League of Extraordinary Toys!"

"No! For not only is that a naff and corny idea, but adding a new plot thread at this moment would cause our Toy Reality to collapse in upon itself! We must just hope that MiskatonicNick will be brave and resourceful enough to complete his quest unharmed..." "Buggerit... that is us screwed then!"

TO BE CONTINUED... Bad Poetry, Michael Jackson Jokes and now cod-philosophical clap-trap? Yep, just when you thought Toyville couldn't get any worse, eh? Well, just wait for the next Chapter of... TOYVILLE 2 - a tale too far Will the Olsens escape their hurriedly kit-bashed Revolutionary captors? Can MiskatonicNick escape from the lusty, cannibalistic clutches of the Faerietopia nymphettes... and does he really want to? And isn't it about time we saw more of Pinky and Sandy too?