cut to the Toyville County Courthouse...
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cut to the Toyville County Courthouse... |
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For the Prosecution, representing Mary Kate and Ashley, Hugo McBastard - high-flying corporate lawyer who can trace his family tree back to several infamous Witchfinders and Inquisitors. |
For the Defence, representing MiskatonicNick, Hicksville lawyer, Gabe... who can trace his way, without fault, to the seediest booze joints in town (he just has trouble tracing his way back out again) |
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"Hey, hold on a minute - how come the Olsens have got a pinstripe freak for a lawyer and I've got a drunk cowboy? No offence, Gabe." "None taken, sonny. But my guess is that them twins have been investing their cash in stocks, shares and property... while you've just been buying more toys with yours." "Ah, good point, Gabe. Though I bet they've bought themselves some battery-powered toys, eh? eh? Nudge nudge..." |
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"WWAAAAAAHHHHH!" "Oh, poor Ashley, don't cry..." *sob* "But he's being all potty-mouthed and mean to us again Mary-Kate!" *sob* "You uncouth swine MiskatonicNick - how dare you insult these poor girls' purity and integrity! I'll see you fry for that hackneyed quip, sir!"
".... pssst, very good Miss Ashley, but next time try to make sure the Judge and Jury are in the room to see you blub." "Okiely dokiely... just like we rehearsed then." |
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"... FRY!?! Erm, Gabe..." "No worries, sonny - you're probably just looking at life in the slammer." "!!!!" "But we've got an easy Judge today - the dodderly old chap from the James Bond movies." "Roger Moore?" "No the other one, the boffin chap; Q" "Eh, but he's a scientist not a Judge" |
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"Nope, must be one of them too - I checked the Judicial roster for today; Court Room 1; Olsens Vs. MiskatonicNick - Judge; Q, as played by John Delancie |
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"...erm, let me guess Gabe - you've never seen any Star Trek; The Next Generation have you?"
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"Nope, why's that, sonny?" "Oh, you'll see, Gabe, you'll see"
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"Right, Court is now in session... who is the little worm on the evolutionary scale that I'm here to pass the judgement of guilty upon today?"
"pssst, hey, twins, what you doin' after the case... fancy a night... "GABE!" |
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"Ah, don't fret, sonny - we can always rely on the jury; the twelve good men and true." |
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"Eep! Erm, Gabe - I know some of them... hell, I killed several of them off in 'Dark Days in Toyville!'
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"Yes - and don't think Count Dooku has forgotten it either, bag-head! We're gonna find you guilty and press for the Death Sentance!" |
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"Oh boy, sonny, you is sure screwed... especially with me representing you too. Still, 'least it can't get any worse..." |
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"Excuse me, Judge Q, sir....
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.... we've finished them gallows you ordered for the MiskatonicNick case... and re-enforced them good to take his weight." "Hell, I was wrong again, it can get worse! Still, at least while you get what's coming to you I'll get my fees."
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"Oh, I don't think so, you're on a 'no win, no fee' contract so you'd better defend me good, Gabe... |
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... Gabe?
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GABE!"
"So long sucker - see you in the funny pages!" |
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"SILENCE IN COURT!
Will someone please close that window? Right, let this mockery of a trial begin..." |
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